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Married ‘Snob’ vs ‘Sad’ Single

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I recently read a blog posted by a fashion blogger asking why she, at age 25 is a “rarity” because she is now the “married friend” at such a young age. Her write-up received many types of responses; from offended singles to content, young, married, “dust-the-haters-off” married folks.

The article got me thinking about my own life as a young single woman because while it started out simply questioning why dynamic, gorgeous, educated women, who seem to have a good head on their shoulders, are not married, it slowly seeped into sounding condescending and very judgemental. It, in actuality, portrayed a rosy hue of superiority by the young marrieds over the unmarried. The question the article asked referred to why the singles have become “the blind leading the blind” when commenting on the topic of marriage; a field they know nothing about. It also said; “Maybe the single life is really that great and fun! I don’t want to believe that either. I have yet to meet anyone who wants to be alone. It’s just not natural”, topping that off with this nugget; “Look, marriage isn’t everything, but it is A LOT. And contrary to belief, as you get older (ladies), it’s much harder to come by.” Not only is a single existence sarcastically made to seem frivolous and pointless, it is also made out to be a human anomaly, which in our present-day, it is not. This last comment insinuates that if you are not married then you have LESS than the A LOT that married people have, and that if you don’t rush against the age-clock, you may never get married.

Now, just to be clear, I actually like this blogger’s blog. However, I firmly believe that while she started a topic that seemed to genuinely question why many more young people are not married and if she is a rarity, she quickly fell into a very judgmental viewpoint against single people. Being single myself, I was a little thrown and like, “What?! Now wait a minute.”  The aim of this post is simply to open the floor for discussion around this topic. Is being married young (which in itself is a relative term given that many people say you are as young as you feel, but for the purposes of this post, let’s throw in an approximate 18-30 years of age perhaps) a culture specific thing? By this I mean, would being married young in Africa be viewed as a good thing and be more popular than say in Atlanta, USA where this blogger resides? I personally believe that a lot of factors do play into why people do or do not marry young. For example, religion is an integral part. At a basic human carnal level for example, certain countries and communities are less sexually liberal and do not condone sex before marriage (for example Catholic places such as Italy with its 90% plus practicing believers) and therefore marrying eliminates that problem. (I hasten to add that I realize that sex isn’t the only reason people marry, but it does play a part in the lives of young couples who are madly in love but still wish to respect their religions).

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Posted by on July 16, 2013 in Social

 

‘Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Cheapest of Them All?

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So I’m going to generalise for my own amusement and to basically bring across a fact about the manner in which different races behave regarding ‘bill’ etiquette. Does bill etiquette depend on your cultural background or is it purely a question of race? I believe it’s a combination of both, but I leave room to be corrected should you disagree. The scenario: dinner amongst a group of male friends. The bill arrives and this is how the different races respond:

Blacks: The well-dressed black gentlemen, wearing square front snake skin shoes and suede jackets and displaying the keys to their environmentally unfriendly and ridiculously expensive Range Rover Sport editions,  Mercedes C-Class Avant-Garde or some such, on the table. Each of them, having enjoyed a night of bragging about supposed financial achievements and painting themselves in an uber successful light. The bomb, the bill, arrives and quietens down the laughter. Each one in turn takes the bill, grabs one of the complimentary cheap mints and complains that they should have been Endear Mints. That done, suddenly, throats are being cleared and an urge to relieve oneself in the lavatory becomes overwhelming. And how about sending oneself a fake phone call and rushing out saying “Sorry gents, gotta take this.” The table is left bare, save for one or two nervous individuals who sharing a look, know they are going to have to be the white people for the evening. After the longest pees in the history of urinating are complete, they all return and ramble about non-bill related issues. When one gets the courage to ask the others for their contributions, there are murmurs of “Er, Sipho,Tumi,  chomees,  I’m sorry, I think I left my wallet in the car. Just get this for me now and I’ll cover you up front.” Check this awesome example that somewhat relates to this topic:

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Posted by on May 16, 2011 in Social

 

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White Girls Don’t Get Fat

I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one ‘race’ – the human race – and that we are all members of it. Margaret Atwood quotes (Canadian Writer, b.1939)

As our group of 2 black, 3 white and 1coloured girls sat, on a sunny afternoon this week, sipping on smoothies all scantily clad, we noticed how many black guys our white friend Marjie knew and kept rising to hug and greet. With some, her innate feminine aura of seduction came out a few times prompting my black friend Thabi to ask her if she was interested in black men. Marjie smiled naughtily and confidently announced that she was now dating the last hunk she’d hugged; tall, handsome, well spoken and seemingly intelligent. “What a catch!” she announced proudly, and proceeded to revel in the flurry of compliments we were paying her. Since we’re in a country where we’re all aiming to be accepting of mixed race couples, nobody said anything bad…except Thabi…who frowned, tisked and mumbled sarcastic remarks as she lit a cigarette, thus catching our attention. “What’s your problem!” Marjie asked, to which Thabi snidely responded, “White girls like you!”

Now, let me put some perspective here. We always have heated discussions about everything, from serious issues like the current topical threat of radioactive material Japan faces from the 3rd blast at the Fukushima Nuclear Plant, to silly issues like why men leave the toilet seat up. And we even talk about the racial divide in South Africa and laugh at how people can’t just see that we are all just people. But on this day, a true reflection of what they each thought about race came out.

Thabi proceeded to explain to Marjie, initially in a joking manner that statistically the ratio of women to men in the Cape is 7 women to 1 man, but to have the few ‘total package’ black men taken by white women was worthy of a “bitch slappin’ ”. Her reasons were that it is particularly difficult for black women to get contemporary, educated, responsible, humorous AND good-looking black men who aren’t completely immersed in traditional ways of behaving and thinking.( Not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what one is after). Her reason reminded me of a show Oprah did some time ago relating to American women, but seemed to resonate here:  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2011 in Social

 

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